Outrun Stories #20

I know that I’ve always chosen to walk a different path, alone and along the lines that suited me best, following the rules that I knew to be right, the code. I wasn’t born to be a sheep, but I certainly wasn’t born to be a shepherd either.

I look down at the gun in my hand. Is this what happens when you’re born to be a wolf? To wander, alone and have everything you ever get close to, have everything you ever even consider for a moment to hold something for you, taken away.

“Come on McBane, you don’t have to do this. You can look the other way, it’s been done before you know, we can cut a deal here.” He’s begging, I’ve never heard that from him before, usually so self-assured, so righteous, so strong. Look what I’ve reduced him to. Look what he’s reduced me to.

“No deals today, Tommy.”

“McBane, look, mistakes were made! I know this, you know this, sometimes this happens in our line of work, I know the code, but man, look how far back we go, we can change this.” He coughs through the blood pouring out of his mouth.

“Why you’re so desperate to live, Tommy. Why don’t you tell me that?” I look away from the gun for a moment and see the fear in his eyes.

“You’ve fucking lost it, McBane. What the hell do you mean, why am I so desperate to live?”

“Just what I said, Tommy.” I say as he starts to laugh. “I’m serious, Tommy. Here we are, after all these years, and all these jobs and everything in between, the parties, the women, the drugs. Fuck, Tommy, some of it was even fun. We’ve lived by a code, some sort of code all our lives, and then there’s a mistake, someone gets killed, it’s your fault, and you know the code, and you know that you have to pay the piper. I just want to know, why you’re so desperate to try and get round it?”

“Look, McBane,” he starts then falters. “Look, I got plenty of good reasons to live.”

“Name, one.” I say, very slowly, and there’s a long silence, interrupted here and there by the sound of blood dripping onto the floor.

“Cynthia, okay. I love her. Can I have that at least? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“And what about me, Tommy? You have yours but I can’t have mine? You gotta pay, Tommy.”

“McBane, look, what do you want me to tell you? The call was made, the job went wrong, it’s part of the process, it’s what we do. I know the code, I know people break it, I’ll walk away. You’ll never see me again.”

“No walking, Tommy. No deals today. You’re my friend, Tommy, but you gotta go.” I look down at the gun again and watch my hand tighten around the grip, I watch my finger slip over the trigger and arm raise and see Tommy’s bloodshot eyes in the sights. Then there’s just the smoking hole in his forehead and I’m alone, again.