Brutalist Stories #5 

Wake, rise. Sit for a moment to address oneself and the absurdity that the world around hosts with equal measures of fear and contempt.

Remove covers from lap, turn, place bare feet on Formica floor. Stare at white wall immediately ahead, flinch at uncertain perspective given by depthless matte. Eyes twitching, brain unsure if wall is near or far, contemplate horror of being and the few pounds of pink flesh housed in skull controlling it all.

Blink, refocus, bring eyes down and look at upturned hands. Mentally measure lines, understand how they have come to be, how they will change. Reflect upon impermanence; own death, death of those around and ultimate heat death of universe.

Turn hands, stand, take steps toward window. Glance at momentary flicker of reflection in peripheral vision, consider ghosts of a million souls that came before. Place hands on concrete frame of window and close eyes. Seize tactile feedback flowing into self and reflect upon ‘I’ in relation to sensory input of world at large.

Deep breath, open eyes, look out of circular window at world outside and below. Millions of colours reflecting in the soft hue of the city, the flock of people marching, ceaselessly to their destination. Meat to the grinder, each their own little conscious conglomerate of spinning atoms, each alive, each feeling each and every moment, each hurting. Each screaming the silent scream into the infinite void within their soul.

Huff air, dig nails into concrete, raise heart rate. Reflect on futility of action, scream at window, ask why, ask how, ask whom and ask by what means. Meditate on doom, failure, human condition, perpetual want, fleeting happiness, a moment to grab, a flicker to claw.

Appraise uselessness in face of reality. Take deep breath, look inward and contemplate rebellion. Smile at task, laugh at future. Find hope and love.

Turn from window, scream once more. Wash and breakfast.

Building inspiration: Nakagin Capsule Tower

Musical inspiration: Deaf Center — New Beginning (Tidal Darkness)